"There's a big difference, I discovered, between wanting to die and not wanting to live. When you want to die, you at least have a goal. When you don't want to live, you're really just empty."

A couple of days ago, I was in the train, on my way home.

Nothing out of the usual,
It was crowded, I had my music on, staring at an empty space.

Then, there she was.

A pretty girl in her early twenties, hanging her head low, listening to her MP3, sobbing.

And for that moment in time, my eyes turned watery, I wanted to cry as well.

It was a heart breaking scene.

I didn't know what was wrong, but I squeezed my way through the crowd and handed her a packet of tissue paper.

She looked at me like a lost lamb, nodded at me and took that packet from my hand.

I was this girl. I am still.

I know I am naive to still wake up every single morning, making the same wish, hopefully that I will be alright.

But, everyday, for the past 2 months, just wasn't that day.

How long will this emotional abuse gonna last? I don't know.

Maybe, it was really my fault all these while.
Maybe, it is true that I disappoint everyone, every time.
Maybe, I deserve all these pain.

M