"It's not the 'Goodbye' that hurts, but the flashback that follows."

You want the truth? Well, here it is. Eventually, you forget it all. First, you forget everything you learned - the dates of wars and Pythagorean theorem. You especially forget everything you didn’t really learn, but just memorized the night before. You forget the names of all but one or two of your favorite teachers; and eventually you forget those, too. You forget your junior year class schedule and where you used to sit, and your best friend’s home phone number and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times. And eventually, but slowly, you forget your humiliations - even the ones that seemed indelible just fade away. You forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not. Who went to a good college, who threw the best parties, who had the most friends - you forget all of them. Even the ones you said you loved, and the ones you actually did. They’re the last to go. And once you’ve forgotten enough, you love someone else.

And then, it will be a vicious cycle all over again.

I have been pushing myself harder and harder each day, but I still die a little by a little inside every time I think about it.

It has only been awhile, but I'm trying.

And I'm glad I have this personal space where I can just be myself, do the thing I like, Write, and let it all out.

S: You do know that people might judge you, and call you a fucking 'Emo' after reading your blog?

Of course I know, silly.

But, being misunderstood is nothing new to me, and everyone judge you regardless.

I have always wanted to tell people that, I may look cold, but inside, I'm a passionate fuzzball.

I may not be a good person with a good soul, but I am not evil.

And though I write about the same old depressing stuff, most of the time, it doesn't mean I am like this all the time.

But, who cares, really.

Truth be told,

I have a fragile soul.

I get hurt easily.

I depend on people way too much.

I am selfish & selfless all at the same time.

But hey, I'm really trying hard like I have never tried before.

I'm trying hard not to over think things,
I'm trying hard to not visualize what may or what has become,
I'm trying hard to remind myself that everything is gonna be okay in the morning.

I wanna be able to respect and love that crazy, wild and fun person I used to be.

And today, I say today, I am no longer bothered by the lies, I am no longer angry.

Love,
M